Daily Archives: October 3, 2011

My faith tested: Version 2.0

As many days go, my Sunday was off to a slower than normal start. I was up early enough to get to church “on time,” but was still rushing. It was cold outside, and I have lost a significant amount of weight since last year. This is not said to get a response from you, but more to explain why I was running as behind as I was. I had nothing to wear, as most of my 2x clothing that I could wear the last time it was cold looks like a tent on my body now. I finally just decided on a shirt of white stature, with no sweater vest(which I really wanted to wear), and ran for the door. I have a bit more back drop for you as well: we were very tired! I mean really tired. It seems like NO ONE in my household sleeps anymore, but honestly this time, we were bushed. We had gotten to bed later than we expected, and we were knowing that the next day would be painful but could now do nothing to stop that. So when we got up, late, and started getting ready we were cold, sleepy-eyed, and rushing. Altogether, not ideally how we would like to prepare ourselves to go to the church that has accepted us with open arms in the last year and a half. We pull into the lot, and ride the shuttle bus over, as my daughter loves the bus. In fact she is always the first ready, since she gets to ride the bus, and I bet she would drive us there herself if she could. So, we get to the bus doors, and feel the cool brisk air against our faces as we depart, and then walk to the church. We were met with the familiar faces of my crew up front that meet and greet everyone that come in on Sunday, and we started to walk her back to where she checks in for her room on. I have been getting the children’s church communion every Sunday now for around 2 months, and I am happy to help my wife and her mentor out in this fashion. I LIKE to do this for them. It makes me feel very happy to know I can be of service to them, the little kids that are in their service upstairs, and also our church family in general. All it requires is a brisk walk all the way across the church to the school’s gym, and then up about 20 steps to the loft where it takes place. Ok, my last bit of back information and we can go on with the rest of the story.* I am tired of the current condition of my body. I have tried a new set of exercises that a friend gave me, and it includes squats and lunges. If you don’t know what those are, join the club. I had no idea what I was getting into. These things SHRED your thigh muscles. In fact the things hurt so bad that I cannot function normally. I can’t feel how high I have my feet raised, or how much pressure I have to put down. It is a nightmare at the moment. But since I did these exercises the night before I was at chuch carrying these trays all the way across the building, my nightmare was just about to begin. God was going to see how I would react to adversity – this time IN His own house!

Let me also tell you, as a reader, that I have N-E-V-E-R felt like this when I work out. My muscles are not fatigued like when I run or do cardio; rather, they cry out in pain as if they are being broken. I am okay with this, however, as I know that God calls me to have a body fit for His service. In 1 Corinthians**, there is a couple of verses that was shared by the author, Paul, about such a thing as this.

“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”

The point is, I have lost a lot of weight, but my “core” has had no work, and all I have done is downsize my fat. I have made it from being a huge fat person, to being a small fat person, but the belly and flab remains. These exercises will start me on a path to having better muscle quality, and that will lead to calorie burn while I am rest as well. Good for me after, but not great for me at present. Well, by now you can probably see where this is going, but we will continue it anyways for the sake of argument. I round the corner and start up the steps. I am walking up the 20 steps at a slow pace, as I know that I am accident prone as it is. Besides that, I can feel that this day is not normal; something is not right. It is a perfect storm of sleepy, workout, and rushing. I make it to the top step, and trip – I then fall right on my face. To my credit, Jesus must have helped me fall and then subsequently get up. I didn’t get hurt, and I wasn’t cussing up a storm in the middle of the church loft. The ironic thing was, I could SEE this day. I was aware that I was actually kinda cocky when it came to how confident I was with communion trays. I have carried 15 of them at a time from the sanctuary back into the prep room before, without incident. in fact, I usually tell our new guys that are nervous that “I have NEVER spilled a drop, so don’t fret! We can do this!” Flash forward to Sunday. I lay on my stomach with the trays barely held off of the floor. The juice runs freely from them off onto the floor. I could feel juice in my beard, on my face, and on my clothes. I was furious! I was mad at myself for many reasons. I didn’t get enough sleep, and had not given my body ample rest. I had worked out too late at night and as a result was fatigued in my muscles as well. I was rushing to get back to my post up front as I was running late. I was also too arrogant about never spilling the communion before. All of this came into perfect focus as I stand looking down at the juice which represent’s our savior’s blood, and bread which represents His broken body that was put to death on an instrument of murder for our everlasting souls. I was about to cry. I was literally dumping out communion in a trash can when my wife and Rachell came upon the scene of the accident. They tried to calm me down/help me out/make me feel better. By that time it was too late. Somehow, Satan was able to find me in a weak point at this impenetrable fortress of a church and attack me in front of God, His son, and all of His servants doing good work on the day of the Sabbath.

Satan put the thought in my head, and I ran with it. I wanted to leave. I was pelted with grape juice on a freshly cleaned white shirt, and had my face covered as well. “Go Home!” was the cry in my head. Even though my heart opens like a safe every Sunday when I hear Warren start to sing from the sanctuary, my head was in charge now. I had to get out of here before I made a fool out of myself, or caused a scene. I do have a bad temper still , and even though I am working on that graciously with His help, I still have bouts of rage as well. I was beside myself. I still needed to be downstairs giving out bulletins to our denizens as they poured through our doors, but instead here I stood in front of a sink washing off communion trays as they were soaked. I felt bad not only because I was generally embarrassed, but I could not shake a thought in my head. The thought was that I have just spilled the sacrament, and now I am having to “throw away Jesus.” I know that may sound silly, but even now as I write this, I feel it in my chest. My heart quickened. I felt saddened. There was more remorse than I could have explained. Here we are, every Sunday to open our hearts and minds to accept Christ, and take a meal with Him, but instead here I stand casting Him into a trash can as my heart weeps, and my head screams at an immeasurable volume to run from these doors at a pace not yet seen from me before. To His divine credit, Jesus tried to calm me down right away. He sent two angels in form of our youth pastor and her charge, my wife, to my aide almost instantly. They both tried to comfort me, but it was too late. I fled. I was out of the doors so fast that your head would have spun, I looked like an NFL halfback going on a 40 yard scamper towards the goal-line. I didn’t wait for the shuttle, and I ran down to my car and headed home. When I got home I made the right choice, however, and I prayed. I hit my knee, and put my head in my hands. I asked God for repentance of what wrongs I had done this week, and I begged Him to make me understand what had just happened. Then as I was about to shed my first remorseful tear, the clarity came into my brain like a lightning bolt: It was just juice, you did not sin by casting aside the messy remains of the trays, and the reason that you fled was because I could not bear to see you in the anguish that you were presently in. This was not so much said to me as it was communicated to me***. My face lightened. As I got dressed, I found a shirt to put my favorite sweater vest over just like clockwork. I had a small meal and reset my day. I was slightly more rested, and had a sense of relief like I had not felt in some time. God sent me back into the church to listen to the worship music. He made me help with communion so that I would not lose that good feeling that I get on Sundays from helping others. The rest of the day was uneventful, thankfully, but it made me stop and count blessings in my life. God has turned my ear, my heart, and my soul. He has done works in me that no parent could do, no lover could do, and no man or woman on this Earth could do. He truly is Heavenly, and benevolent to all those that follow Him. To say that He has saved a wretch like me, is an understatement. He helped my faith yesterday. A being that is the alpha, and the omega. A being that has made accident victims walk, and dead rise from the graves. He still took time out of His day to make a believer stronger in his faith. I was not injured, and I was no longer saddened or upset. God takes EVERY opportunity to protect and comfort His children. He will not leave us face down covered in messes that we don’t comprehend how to clean up. He never sees anything so insurmountable that He cannot solve it, since after all, He IS God. It is a helpful lesson to learn, and one that I was happy to learn yesterday.

How faithful is the Lord to us? Listen to the words of the Bible itself:

God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful.

1 Corinthians 1:9

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9