Anticipation

I hate the way that I feel sometimes. I feel like I am always waiting for something. It may be something good, and it may be something bad. It may be something that I am in need of, and it may be something that I would rather take a horse-whipping then go do, but it seems as if my life is always based upon waiting on someone or something to do what is expected. That feeling that you get – the same one that you get three days before Christmas as a kid, or before your first prom – is anticipation. And, to be quite honest…I am not a very patient person most days, and I seem to be losing my love affair with “waiting on things to happen.” I hate waiting on the inevitable conclusions that I have to seek day to day, and the ones coming in the next month or two. I hate waiting. It is kinda my thing. I am struggling with this part of my life almost as much as anything right now. It makes me feel depressed at times, and repressed at others. I feel like screaming; I feel like just sleeping away a day at a time so that I can make time speed up. Essentially, I feel like things should be happening faster, or with more frequency, or without issue – whatever the particular situation calls for. I am not a fan of this mindset, but without the blind melancholy that I feel at times I am not sure that there would ever be a difference from day to day. And I realize that I have done a post on patience from my Fruit of the Spirit series, (that I promise to finish fully soon), but this week has been BAD as far as patience goes, so bear with me please.

I was hoping for divine intervention. To start my new journey toward being a follower of Christ, I had hoped that this was one of the things that I would just “lose.” I have come to find out, however, that being a Christian does not quick change this outcome. Trying to dedicate one’s life to Christ doesn’t just automatically change you, and make things all better for you. Should it? Well, if we could sell out to God and feel the healing touch of Him rather than still be pursuing what we seem to always be after, then maybe so. The problem is, that while most of us claim to be a follower of Him, we simply do not have it all together enough yet to get these type of feelings conquered. So, instead we are left to see things the way that they are for us, and not the way that they could or should be. The other main issue with not giving it all to the one who made us who we are, is that we see the glimpse of what it should be and then see how we fall short, and start to self-doubt and second guess ourselves. This is fairly easy to do as we always have the enemy behind us pointing out every flaw that we succumb to. Patience is something that we all preach in one way or another, but few of us actually take care of. It is the reason that we have disagreements with spouses, and children, and ultimately God Himself.

“But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.”

1 Timothy 1:16

So where does that leave us? It makes us a group of tired, stressed, and ultimately unhappy people. We almost always say patience is a virtue, but truthfully how many of us get it? I know that I don’t. God calls us to be patient, but I can seriously count that as an issue that I have trusting Him. I tell myself that isn’t the case, because I don’t want to feel like I don’t trust God. But to truthfully give everything over to Him means to give it all. For the Bible says that you cannot serve two masters, and that means that it is His way or my way. One of us is perfect, never fails, and doesn’t make a poor decision; the other is a self-loathing Neophyte that has control issues and cannot follow simple predicated commands. If I, or anyone else that struggles with control or patience, could seriously stop and fight the urge to not look ahead, we would lead better lives. We would be blessed beyond belief.

God’s way is immeasurably perfect. His logic is fundamental, and sound. He is never wrong as He is the Alpha, and the Omega. He never says that things will occur in our time frames, but in His. God uses this lesson to humble us beyond measure, and ridicule the fact that we think that we are still in control. The way I look at it is that we have 2 choices: accept that we are a very small blip on the radar of God’s story, or make the story all about us and be forever frustrated that the script doesn’t run as we would want it to. The Devil waits for us at every turn to try to make us complacent, and to make us feel like we should be given more. Truthfully, God owes us nothing and we should stand in awe of the fact that even with this being the case, we are lead into a relationship with Him. He desires us, even though we in no way sustain Him. All we have to do is be more than we normally are. Be more caring, more understanding, and above all(for me anyways) more patient. The possibilities of what good that could do in our lives is astounding. Be more. Be Godly. Be patient. Trust in Him, and allow Him to take away all that the enemy has to persecute us with. Patience IS a virtue; and it is one that I will be mastering for a time to come. Hopefully I understand it in time to take my place among my peers in Heaven.

“But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”

Matthew 7:14

Live like you were dying

So, this week was pretty amazing for me. God never ceases to amaze me. This time just 2 years ago, I was a lost person running down my life with substances, and inebriation. God saw fit to reign me in. I quizzically went to an Easter service, and God transformed what was likely an already powerful sermon by the preacher and made it into a convicting cry for attention that I can never explain fully. God saw me at my lowest, and not caring about much when I came into His presence after all those years. He saw me broken, and my wife crying out in pain for the Maker that she had come to embrace just a few years before she met me. We both were lost, and we both were crying. God had extended His mighty arm to us, and we quickly saw a turn in our lives when we decided to accept Him and get up off of our tail ends to do what He wanted all along – love Him. By nature, God does not need me to be sustained. But the funny thing is, God DOES lack if I am not there, and He cries out to us to accept His perfect plan so that we may get to walk in the garden with Him forever. We will sing and praise, and nothing that we did on Earth will come close to that day.

If you are now in God’s presence, then how then can you not be changed? We are just coming from the Easter season and into a different time, but we need to stay mindful of the miracles that Christ performed and be thankful daily for the sacrifices that He made. Basically, we need to be just like Him, and by nature we need to live every day like it may be our last. We need to start living like we were dying. Not sure how to do that? Well, here is a few examples to chew on and see how they feel to you. Give to a charity, support a child abroad, go and serve in the community, give without thinking, and step out of your comfort zone to make a difference with as many people as you can. Go do the Lord’s bidding – no matter what that entails. Remember that His way is perfect, and yours is not. This is as hard of a statement to accept as any that you will try to pursue in your faith, but God has made the rewards so worthy of this challenge. Now, as I think about my family, and the small contributions that we make, we do a lot on that list. We would never have done things like we have done in the last year – including trying to support a child overseas.* There was only one thing that I have not seen enough out of us on that list, and that would be giving without thinking. But some recent events have transpired that is making that a reality for us, and we are happily moving foreward.

“Let’s start the path to giving” says a voice in my heart. It is the same voice that my beautiful wife had as well. We progress from there, and the next thing I know we are inviting a friend to come stay with us. This friend is special to us, and as such I know that she is already special to God. She has been absent from our lives for almost 5 years, but then when she shows back up, it was as if she had never left. She had some really bad things happen, and she had been through a lot, but she is still the same beautiful person that she always was. All that I know is that she was reduced to nothing, was left with nothing, and now was about to be without a place to stay. To the core of me, when I heard the stories all I could keep thinking about was a verse from Matthew:

“The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” Matthew 25:40

Without even thinking both my wife and myself were having a meeting of the family and decided to invite her into our home. Has she had the best life until now? Not always. Has she always lived for God? Not as much as she wants to now. But you know what, God took a chance on me and He would want me to do the same for a member of His family. So we are extending a second chance at living life to the fullest to a very good friend, and it is eerie what that is doing for us so far. She is going to help around the house, and that is where we need the most work in our busy lives. She hit it off immediately with our 4 year old, and now my daughter cries if she can’t see her. She attended church with us Sunday, and was very happy with where she was at. This is a far cry from where she was just weeks ago. Feeling loved, and appreciated goes a long way – be it from family, friends, or God. I don’t say this because I want praise or thanks from her or anyone else, or any personal kudos – I just want us to honor our brothers and sisters for who they are and love them as we were and are loved by Him.

In closing, think about it like this: Money is not everything, but it darn sure helps. But money to us is different than money to someone who has none.** When you have less money than you require, or need then you lack in part of your life. This is a sad reality for us here, but even greater abroad. I have a friend right now showing me just how big God can be if you let him, and it is amazing to see the transformation that is occurring in him both spiritually as well as physically. My pal, and and all around great guy, Brian Carpenter is walking his feet raw on a pathway known as the Appalachian trail as we speak. (I will put a link to his blog on my blog roll, as well as add it to the bottom of the page.) He is truly living like he is dying right now. He is “walking for water” to fund wells for those that walk miles daily to secure water for their families. This is something passionate that he has felt in his heart and is answering a calling to do so. He is right now a month in, and has already done great things by gathering enough money to fully fund one well so far! This is what God needs us to do. Die to ourselves, and put others needs before ours. Be the big brother to a person in need, and show love when you can. Be a helping hand like no other, and walk until your feet are ready to bleed because no sacrifice is as great as the one that God made for us by sending Christ to be crucified. Be the hands and feet, heart and spirit of God to somebody else. He will prosper you as He has stated. He would not forsake us, and so He simply asks us to not forsake others. Is that too much to ask of someone that you have given everything to?

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Brian’s Blog can be found here.

You can donate to the well here.

* Now, we are not monsters mind you, we were just bad with money due to outside influences.

** Or to someone that has lost it all

Cry Victory when you fear Defeat

We had a special week in my state. My University of Kentucky Wildcats were rolling roughshod through the NCAA Tournament, and I was getting some time to watch the journey. In fact, I think I may have missed 2 halves of 2 separate games in a full 40 game season. I am a fan; in fact, more than a fan. I am a fanatic. When it comes to basketball in this state it is almost classified as religion. People camp out for practices. We race out into the streets when we are victorious. We sell out gyms to see shoot-arounds. Overall it is crazy here; and the fact that we just won the 8th national title in school history makes it at a fever pitch. This should be the focus of my week. It always has been in the past. If we were in this section of the year, and my Cats were still playing then they had my undivided attention. Sports has always been the biggest part of my life. As I stated, I am a fanatic from way back, and to not be crazy for UK basketball in this state is beyond poor judgement – it just makes you weird.

This week, however…I guess that I am just weird because I can’t seem to put all my attention on the games, or even the championship. I didn’t cry too much when we won. I just have had other things more important on my brain, as well as in my heart. In service Sunday, I cried…a lot in fact. We are doing a series on Easter and the miracle of Christ rising from the grave to save humanity from it’s sins. The music that we have been singing in worship has had a deeper meaning for me than it normally has had. My pastor would likely say that I am turning my heart to more of the “Kingdom needs” than “needs of the world.” But truthfully, I have been trying to think more about the sacrifice that Christ made for me than I ever have. Have I joined a small group for it like 3/4 of my church has? No. Have I been studying more scripture than normal seeking answers? No. But, from sunrise to sundown, I seem to be seeking knowledge from within. I am literally finding that if I stop doing ANYTHING that I am thinking about Christ. I have never met this man, yet He decided to die for me. Not just for me, mind you but He died for me all the same. Christ willingly went to his end when He could have decided to not endure this on our behalf. This man, this Son of God was not normal. He was far from ordinary. The son of man, and the Great I AM. He who came to Earth to serve, and not be served. This man died on my behalf and I can not even say thank you to Him. Or can I? When I pray, and when I praise. When I serve at church, or when I help someone overseas* to get closer to God, am I not thanking Christ? When I decide to do something extraordinary, and go out of my comfort zone by talking to someone about Christ, am I not thanking Him? When I close my eyes, and cry as I say over and over in my head Hosanna in the highest, am I not thanking Christ? I am notorious in my blogs for never giving myself any credit, or any benefit of the doubt, but this week I have a different approach. God has to be pleased with how I am feeling right now, even more than I have come to realize that He already has been. I want to burst out in tears, and dance and scream at the tops of my lungs that God is good, and He is my King.

You see, it it true – Once you’ve come into contact with Jesus, accepted Him as your personal savior, and are washed clean by His blood – you are never truly the same person ever again.

Now that I have put out there where my feelings are, let me tell a little story about how the blood of Christ changes everything. When Jesus was captured, He had a disciple with Him that took a sword away from a Roman Centurion and sliced the ear off of the High Priest. Jesus calmed His impetuous servant down, telling Peter that those who live by the sword will surely die by it as well.** Peter was showing his desperation to protect Christ, whom he not only believed to be the savior of his soul, but also regarded as a dear and personal friend. Jesus was then subjected to things that no man should ever be put through. Flogged with an instrument meant to rip flesh, bone, and muscle out of his body. A crown of thorns placed on His head to pierce His brow. His hands bound and then nailed to a cross weighing nearly what He did. His side was pierced with a spear. He was then made to walk the Via Dolorosa to Calvary to be executed. Along the way, Jesus was made to walk through many, many people. These people would have naturally known that this spectacle was happening and rushed down to see Him. Many were mocking Him, while others were mourning Him. His apostles had been scattered. He had no one. Due to the length of His trip to Calvary, Jesus could not bear the weight of this burden alone. He knew that He must make it, but His will was outliving the flesh. As He happened near a large group of Jews, one of the Romans cried out to a certain man to come and pick the cross up for Him. The man was Simon of Cyrene. Simon was not expecting to run into Jesus that day. In fact, he had just come many miles with his family to sacrifice a lamb for the Jewish Passover. He would have no doubt been dressed in his finest clothes. His expense to get here was great, as this would likely have been a once in a lifetime event. When he had just reached town, he was then subjected to helping carry the cross for Jesus. The blood, and sweat, and just scent of death was now embedded in what Simon was wearing. As a result, he would now be deemed unfit to enter the tabernacle to present his Passover lamb. As a result, Simon’s visit was ruined. He had walked all the way to Jerusalem for nothing! It would take days or weeks before he could be deemed worthy to even enter the temple, and by then Passover would be long completed. When Simon awoke this final morning of his long and arduous journey, the last thing that he thought would happen was him being effected by the man called Christ. But, even though the Bible does not go into detail about it, one would think that Simon had to have some sort of rare personal relationship forged by sharing such an intimate moment with Him. Jesus recognized, no doubt, that this man from Cyrene had come not to see Him, or be any part of what was occurring with Him, presently. He was simply a means to an end for the Romans, and as they had rule over the Jews, there was no saying ”I decline” to the soldiers. Little did Simon know when he was made to carry the cross with Jesus that he was helping with the sacrifice of the ultimate Passover lamb. A needed, prophetic end of the lamb of God. And the blood that covered him would continue to do so long after it was washed from him and his clothes.

From there Jesus, nailed to the cross, was lifted into the sky to suffer. This man who was the son of God, then begged His father to let Him pass. But God had to turn His eyes from Christ. Christ had decided to take all of humanity’s sin and wickedness upon His shoulders, and as we all know God can know no sin. In those moments when Jesus needed His father the most, His own father could not look at Him. When Jesus saw that the men below were casting lots for His clothing, He told His father to  Forgive them as they knew not what the did.*** While the soldiers thought that they were just crucifying any other man, Jesus was asking for forgiveness of His prosecutors. When the people mocking Him thought that they had broken His spirit, He was making an eternal follower out of one of the criminals that was hanging crucified beside Him. And when the Pharacies thought that they had defeated Him, Jesus cried out, tetelestai.**** Victory was His, as He rose 3 days later to tell those around Him that He was truly the son of God as He had been saying. Imagine how His apostles felt upon seeing the risen Christ; the man whom they had faithfully served, was true to His words. He was salvation, and He had risen. The blood of Christ had torn the veil, and we were now free to worship God whenever we chose, and in whatever capacity. Jesus had paid it all, and we were now free of sin, and able to accept God’s grace freely.

His blood had changed Simon, and had forever changed His apostles. It would do the same, He taught, for anyone willing to accept Him as Lord and Savior. But as accepting as we are for the blood to wash us free from sin, and keep Him close as Savior, do we always accept Him as Lord? In Romans 1:1, Paul referred to himself as “Paul, a bond-servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle and set apart for the gospel of God.” For anyone wondering what Paul meant by bond-servant, the definition is A slave; one who is bound to service without wages. That was what Paul meant, too. Accepting the blood of Christ, and being reborn as a Christian means that you forego yourself and think of Kingdom business. Dying to yourself while being “buried” in baptism, and then taking up your cross daily. Not all of us have the ability to physically take up Christ’s cross as Simon did, but we all have the ability to deny ourselves and choose Him when we touch the floor with the soles of our feet every morning. Being re-born…free to be a slave. A powerful servant of the Lord Jesus. Every situation that I have found myself in this week, I have looked to the cross. I have put my worries at the foot of it. I have asked for understanding and discernment when it comes to it. And finally, I have felt a wholesome comfort from it; the type of comfort that comes when you think about an old friend and what they have done for you in certian times of need. After all, that is what Easter is all about – The great comforter, and Wonderful Counselor to us all. Jesus, the Christ – Lord and Savior to all of humanity.

Hallelujah! Christ is risen! Saints, Spread the good news!!!

*Yesenia is my little girl from El Salvador that I sponsor through Compassion International(there is a link at the bottom of my blog to the right).

**Paraphrased from Matthew 26:52.

***Paraphrased from Luke 23:34.

****Greek meaning=It Is Finished!